Eifersucht oder eine Verletzung der Ehre - Vortrag

Was wir als Eifersuchtsgefühl und eifersüchtiges Verhalten definieren, wird in anderen Gesellschaften aus einem z.T. sehr unterschiedlichem Blickwinkel wahrgenommen. Was hierzulande als Privatsache eines Individuums bzw. eines Paares angenommen wird, erhält anderswo (zusätzlich) eine völlig andere und weitaus schwerwiegendere Dimension, in dem es als Angelegenheit einer Familie bzw. Verwandtschaftsgruppe – wenn nicht sogar eines (dörflichen) Kollektivs betrachtet wird: Der (angebliche) Seitensprung oder das „Vorleben“ einer Ehefrau, das „Fehlverhalten“ von Töchtern, Schwestern oder anderen weiblichen Angehörigen bedeuten eine Ehrverletzung, die eine ganze familiäre Gemeinschaft betrifft. In einer Diskussionsrunde des Fiebel Vereins werden Situationen diskutiert die ebensolche Krisen in der Partnerschaft auslösen.
Dokument: Eifersucht oder eine Verletzung der Ehre Protokoll einer Diskussionsrunde vom 14. 2. 2003

26.01.11 | , , , , , |

Your Children Aren’t Speaking Your Language?

Wondering why your children aren’t speaking your language? It is hard to say why one child will gladly speak a second (and third and fourth) language while another will resist it. Corey Heller, from the Multilingual Living Magazine explains us the top 10 most likely reasons. Do some of these resonate with your multilingual family’s situation! Read the article here: Top 10 Reasons Your Children Aren’t Speaking Your Language

25.05.10 | , , , , , , , | Comments [2]

Top 10 Reasons Your Children Aren’t Speaking Your Language

By Corey Heller
Multilingual Living Magazine

Wondering why your children aren’t speaking your language? It is hard to say why one child will gladly speak a second (and third and fourth) language while another will resist it. Below are the top 10 most likely reasons. Do some of these resonate with your multilingual family’s situation!

Let’s start the countdown…

10. Patience: Give it some time! You and your child both have to get used to this. Even if you are a native speaker of your child’s second language, it can take a while to figure things out. And once you are completely on board, take the journey one step at a time. Don’t rush your child, it will only make things worse. Remember, you are raising a multilingual child, not trying to win a race!

9. Comfort: Do you or your child feel uncomfortable speaking the language? Make sure you don’t embarrass your child by asking him/her to speak the language out loud in front of others or to use the language in uncomfortable situations. Start in the comfort of your own home and go from there. Sometimes it is the parent who is uncomfortable using a second language with his/her children, even if it is a native language. If this applies to you or your child, then talk about it as a family. Work out the areas which cause the most embarrassment or why it might feel uncomfortable.

8. Age: Our children go through phases in their lives. Their relationship with their second language will be experienced along these same patterns. If your child is going through a phase where he/she wants desperately to fit in at school, then rejecting a second language may be part of this process. Be gentle with your child and address language issues just as you would other changes in your child’s behavior. Try your best to find out how your child is feeling overall. If appropriate, talk with your child about how speaking the second language feels to your child. Work on finding a compromise so that both you and your child can feel good about speaking your language.

7. Resources: Does your child have a good source of language resources? I’m not talking about language-learning text books (unless your child gets a kick of them)! I’m talking about making sure your child has interesting books in only the second language. A good supply of DVDs, video and computer games, board games, etc. all in the second language can come in very handy as well. Without resources to keep their language stimulated, our multilingual children can easily get bored with what is available and will be more inclined to turn toward community language resources (which are so very plentiful!). Find out what interests your child the most and see if family can send over some specific materials – or perhaps you can order some online?

6. Not setting an example: What kind of example are you for your child? Are you using your language as much as possible or are you speaking the community language most of the time with your children (and not even realizing it!)? I can’t tell you the number of parents I talk with who insist that they speak their language with their children ALL the time. But when I visit these same parents, they spend the majority of the time speaking with their children in the community language without even realizing it! Believe me, it is very, very easy to fall into this pattern! You can solve this by (1) being very aware of when you are and are not speaking your language with your children and then (2) switching to your language each time you catch yourself speaking the community language. (3) Ask yourself why you tend to speak the community language with your children as much as you are. If you can find the sources for that question, then you are already one step further along the path toward solving it!

5. Teaching not Living: Raising a child in a second language is about living the language, not teaching it as if it were another subject in school! You need to live the language and impart that love of the language to your children through your way of life, not choice of language text books. This means speaking it as much as possible: while cooking, driving the car, picking up books at the library, going shopping. Make it part of every element of your every-day life. Make the language magical! Make it sparkle for your children by singing songs and doing dances from your culture, telling fairy tales you grew up with, and sharing stories about your childhood in your home country. Even if it isn’t your native language, you can find unique cultural and linguistic elements to bring into your lives.

4. Enjoyment: Is using a second language fun for your children or difficult and boring? Are you and your children enjoying using the second language or has it become drudgury? Make sure you are finding ways to make using the language a joy: play games in the language, chat about fascinating to pics, visit friends and places where the language is spoken. Don’t let yourself get to the point of drilling the language into your children’s heads. That is the best way to make your children hate the language. Many parents in my seminars have told me how their children started using their language after they got a game that was only in the second language. Not only did the game help encourage language use, it also brought the family together!

3. Consistency (not rigidity): Does your child know who speaks which language and when? Are you going back and forth, speaking different languages randomly? It isn’t the end of the world if you don’t have a perfectly consistent language pattern (and switching languages back and forth isn’t a crime) but a clear plan will make your language journey so much easier. Ultimately, your young child wants to please you and he/she can do this best if it is clear what is expected of him/her. If your child is confused or frustrated by not knowing what is expected, then it is very likely that he/she will simply stop speaking the language. But watch out! Don’t let your consistency plan turn into a rigidity plan! You need to make sure that your plan is serving you, not trapping you! You are allowed to change your plan whenever needed but if you do, make sure to meet as a family to decide on what the new plan will be. Then give the new plan some time to be fully implemented and assessed.

2. Need: Why should your child use his/her second language? If your child can get everything he/she needs via the community language, then there is really no NEED to use the second language. A need can come in the form of many different things: to play a game, to speak with others who only speak the second language (family, travel to another country), to understand a book or DVD in the second language, to get something that he/she wants. Some parents go as far as to refuse to answer their child unless the question comes in the second language. I never did this with my kids but for some families it works well. This is where you will have to be creative based on what resources you have available (Can you hire a nanny who only speaks the language? Can you travel to a country where the language is spoken?). Need can come in the form of that which is most familiar: a child often will speak the second language with parents simply out of habit (it would feel too strange if they didn’t)! Remember that each child is different so a need for one child may be very different for another. Get creative!

1. Not Enough Exposure: Are your children exposed to their second language a minimum of 30 percent of the time (on average)? Note that this is not a magical number. It will not guarantee multilingualism in your child! This is simply a general number which a group of researchers have come up with to determine what the minimum amount of language exposure appears to be to reach basic multilingualism. 50 percent? 80 percent? Wonderful! The chances are so much better for bi/multilingualism with exposure like that!
Use your common sense with this. If the spouse who speaks your child’s second language is working 40 hours a week, then it is going to be much more difficult for your children to receive enough exposure than if the native-speaking spouse is with the children all day. You may need to find additional ways that your child can receive language exposure to reach an average of 30 percent: a nanny, friends, family.

And remember, if your child receives less than 30 percent exposure, that is no reason to give up! Sometimes less exposure can have more of an impact than we know! Just allow yourself to adjust your expectations to match your family’s language journey and see where you can add more language exposure along the way. The gift of language is priceless, no matter how much language exposure your child receives!

These are just a few of the main obstacles to your child wanting to speak the second language. There are so many more! Please share your ideas and tips on getting your children to speak their second language! You are a wealth of valuable information, I can’t wait to hear!

About the author: Corey Heller

25.05.10 | , , , , , | Comments

7 Tipps für Fernbeziehungspaare

Die Fernbeziehungen lassen sich überstehen – wenn man als Paar die richtigen Vehaltensstrategien anwendet. Das Workfamily Institut hat verschiedene Tipps zusammengetragen, die dabei helfen, die Distanz im Alltag zu überwinden.
Vollstandiger Artikel hier: 7 Tipps für Fernbeziehungspaare. Von: Joachim E. Lask & Bettina D. Weidenbach. WorkFamily-Institut

Neben dem Dokument, gibt es auch interessante Audiobeiträge zum Thema:
Chancen für die Liebe – Fernbeziehung, Training für die Liebe, Wie Fernbeziehungen glücken können

28.04.09 | , , , , | Comments [1]

How Travelers Can Survive Christmas Away From Home

For some people is very important to celebrate Christmas, but if your traveling or living in another country your stay may turn difficult during those dates. Amanda Kendle, from Vagabondish, publishes a list with tipps thay may help you enjoy Christmas even if you are away from home, without your familiy and your mother´s cooking… Making Christmas Better: Tips for Travelers, by Amanda Kendle

19.01.09 | , , , |

Prensa: Para que funcione una relación a distancia

Fuente: Periodista Digital
En la actualidad, los avances tecnológicos facilitan la comunicación entre personas que viven en lugares diferentes. Pero aunque sí es posible mantener una relación a distancia, no se debe obviar la dificultad de la misma. Tipos de relaciones a distancia y conflictos frecuentes, factores positivos y negativos para la conviviencia y más… Ver artículo completo

12.01.09 | , , , , , , | Comments

Reverse Culture Shock

Reverse Culture Shock is a term associated with the phenomenon of returning to one’s own country and culture. Very similar to culture shock, a person entering into their home environment will have to make adjustments to reacquaint themselves with their surroundings. Unlike culture shock, most do not anticipate feeling like a foreigner in their own home. However, it should be expected. If you have made any cultural adjustments while abroad, you will have to readjust once back home. Complete article here

12.01.09 | , , , | Comments [1]

How to End a Relationship

In some cases, there is a point when the relationship doesn´t work anymore and you both agree that the best would be to go separate ways and break up. When that happens, you could be feeling terrible for a long time. In her blog, Tina shows us ways to understand the situation and try to minimize pain for the other person and yourself. Check her blog and read her article here: How to End a Relationship .

20.08.08 | , , , , | Comments

Bikulturelle Ehen - Ehen mit Zukunft

Jedes Paar hat seine eigene Konstellation, sagt J.Lang, aber “statistisch gesehen ist es sogar so, dass Beziehungen, wo der Mann Schweizer ist und die Frau Ausländerin, länger halten, als wenn zwei Schweizer verheiratet sind”.
Herr Lang ist Eheberater in der Schweiz und im “deutschprachigen Internet”. Er stellt in seinem Text eine andere Perspektive von multi- und bikulturellen Konflikten in Beziehungen dar: und zwar jene der Therapeuten, wenn multikulturelle Paare zu Ihnen zur Beratung kommen. Selbst wenn der Therapeut neutral bleiben will, spielen die für ihn selbstverständlichen Grundlage seiner eigenen Kultur eine wichtige Rolle.

Artikel lesen: Bikulturelle Ehen – Ehen mit Zukunft. By J. Lang. In: Psychoscope, Bern 2002 (PDF, 177KB) Eheberatung & Info – J.Lang: www.paarberatung.ch

7.04.08 | , , , , , , | Comments

Allophilia and Intergroup Leadership

Why not promoting liking of other groups instead of keep talking about prejudice and tolerance? I find that Todd Pittinksky developes a very interesting approach of reducing problems like racism, sexism, discrimination and you know the rest… and he argues that the necessary approach is not to replace prejudice with the neutral stance of tolerance. He uses the concept of allophilia, that provides a powerful anchor for a new framework for understanding intergroup leadership. “To help solve some of our most pressing domestic and global public problems, social scientists must develop an equally sophisticated understanding of intergroup liking and love.”
Allophilia and Intergroup Leadership. By Todd L. Pittinsky. 2005 (PDF, 200KB)

24.03.08 | , , , , | Comments

Ciclo de Adaptación Intercultural

Bettina Hansel explica de manera muy simple en este documento las fases por la que pasa un estudiante de intercambio, a lo largo de su experiencia intercultural en un país de otra cultura. El documento lo he encontrado en la página de AFS, la organización con la que hice mi primer viaje al extranjero, y en el cual experimenté y analicé todas estas fases… y lo sigo haciendo!

Ciclo de Adaptación Intercultural. Bettina Hansel (AFS Intercultural Programs ). 2007. (PDF 36KB)

27.01.08 | , , , |

Choque Cultural

Vivir y trabajar en un nuevo país es toda una aventura, sin embargo, el choque cultural puede causarte sentimientos contradictorios. Es recomendable estar consciente de cuáles son estos sentimientos para entender el proceso y sobrepasarlo de la manera más positiva. Jose Herrero nos hace un resumen sobre el proceso del choque cultural, sus altos y bajos y algunos consejos generales de cómo pasarla mejor.
Barreras culturales y trabajo en otra cultura. Jose Herrero. 2002

5.01.08 | , | Comments

Relationship Conflict: Is it cultural or psychological?

elationship Conflict: Is it cultural or psychological?

Sometimes conflicts come from cultural differences, but in other cases, the psychological factor is decisive…“When you are trying to decide if a conflict with your spouse is cultural or psychological, assume the stronger your emotional response to the conflict, the more likely some psychological factors are involved. “

Relationship Conflict by Harriet Cannon (PDF, 1,03MB)

11.07.07 | , , , , | Comments

Need Advice in Raising Bilingual Children?

Need Advice in Raising Bilingual Children?

Have you found yourself hitting some stumbling blocks along the way in raising your children in more than one language? The Bicultural Family Network is specialized on helping multicultural families on how to deal with difficulties in raising bilingual and multilingual children. I strongly recommend the Multilingual Living Magazine if you´re interested in research, tips, advice, examples and more…

7.06.07 | , , , , , , , | Comments

Información oficial para contraer Matrimonio Civil en España

Información para contraer Matrimonio Civil en España

Si tú o tu pareja es extranjera, residentes en España, y quieren contraer matrimonio en ese país, deberán presentar los siguientes documentos: ver artículo completo

12.05.07 | , , , , | Comments

Info für die Eheschließung in Deutschland

Info für die Eheschließung in Deutschland

Soll eine deutsch-ausländische Ehe geschlossen werden, so ist neben dem deutschen auch das nationale Recht des nichtdeutschen Partners/der nichtdeutschen Partnerin zu berücksichtigen, damit die Eheschließung auch in dessen/deren Heimatland gültig ist. Die Standesbeamt/-innen prüfen, ob die Verlobten nach ihrem jeweiligen Recht, die Ehe schließen dürfen.
Siehe ganzer Artikel

5.05.07 | , , , , | Comments

Long Distance Calls / Llamadas de larga distancia / Billige Telefonate ins Ausland

If you are looking for a cheap way of making long distance calls to a landline, I´ll recommend you the following services: see complete article

Si estás buscando una manera barata de realizar llamadas a distancia, te recomiendo los siguientes servicios: ver artículo

Wenn du günstige Möglichkeiten suchst, um Auslandstelefonate ins Festnetz zu führen, empfehle ich dir folgende Diensleistungen: ganzer Artikel

26.04.07 | , , , | Comments

My recommended Books

My recommended Books
Here you will find a collection of BOOKS that you can even buy online. If you already read one of those books or have commets about it, please let me know!
Aquí encontrarás una selección de LIBROS que tocan el tema de las relaciones a distancia, biculturales y otros temas asociados. Si lo deseas puedes comprarlos en línea. Si ya has leído alguno y tenés algún comentario, dejame saberlo.


6.04.07 | , , |

Tips for Couples

I like this page because anyone can write or edit it: Wikihow. This time, I found many articles with tips for couples living apart. In the following document you´ll find a selection of tips on how to make a long distance relationship work and also recommendations about how to have a healthy relationship, how to solve problems, how to maintain the romance and how to save money in long distance calls.
How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work (PDF, 140KB)

2.04.07 | , , , , , | Comments

Workpermit // Permiso de Trabajo

Workpermit // Permiso de Trabajo

If your beloved lives in Europe, Canada, USA or somewhere else, and you want to move up there, be sure to bring all the documents that you´ll need to get a work permit or residence. Some of those processes could take many months or even years, depending on your nationality. english

Si estás pensando en moverte a Europa, es recomendable informarse con anticipación de los documentos que necesitas para para obtener un permiso de residencia y de trabajo, pues en algunos casos, dependiendo de tu nacionalidad, estos trámites pueden durar meses o hasta años. espanol

Sitios oficiales:

Info about Europe

Info about Canada

Info about Japan

Info about Costa Rica

Info about Australia

28.02.07 | , , |

Was ist Kulturschock?

Enid Kopper erklärt in seinem Buch „Was ist Kulturschock und wie gehe ich damit um?“ den Anpassungsvorgang, den eine Person in einem fremden Land erlebt, vor allem beschäftigt er sich mit dem Rückkherschock im Heimatland. Sehr interessant finde ich die Tipps im letzten Kapitel „Orientierungshilfe und Lösungsansätze für den Umgang mit Kulturschock“.

Was ist Kulturschock? Enid Kopper, 1997 (PDF, 38KB)

24.02.07 | , , |

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